The Entertainment Professional by the guest blogger

The contents of this  post may be offensive to women and is for mature audience.

As my friends and I sat around the BBQ sipping our beers. One of my friends ,who is a fan of  Denny Crane from Boston Legal,  boldly stated "An angel in the bedroom and a freak in the kitchen."  Suddenly the topic changed to women and dating. I guess this topic was just a an ego booster for men at the BBQ, since most of the guys  were married and would most likely never cheat on their spouses. 

John started bragging about the  previous woman  he had been with he was into  cougars.  He said some on his experiences it was pretty hard to top, Tim Butted in with his stories. His stories was lame. 

Jose I think took the cake when he started with his stories about Love. He worked as a bookie and prior to that worked in the entertainment industry.  He met his wife in college, fell in love and married her. They lived happily ever after, that is until he discovered she was sleeping around with a black gentleman with a  ten inch  penis  and he later found out she was also cheating on that dude with another dude, who had a twelve inch penis.  Jose told his wife that since she cheated on him he would go party like a rock star and screw like a porn star and that’s what he did.  

Now Jose was separated he was back on the horse and dating again. He blurted most musicians who write about love and dating I think are influenced by me. When we asked him what he meant he said have you heard the song Dating a porn star that was me. when we said that was totally bullshit. He went on to say Im in Love with a stripper that song is dedicated to him because he also dated a stripper.  

There was one particular girl who completely captured him. she was a model and actress.  Jose looked at ceiling above him smiled and said her eyes would melt an Eskimo’s ice pack. Her lips would make ninety year old men behave like sixteen year old boys begging “blow job please”. Her swinging hips, while she walked on the street, would make men get into car accidents. Her breasts would make homeless men masturbate on the street. Now Jose took his eyes away from the ceiling and looked at me and said“ yeah she was something”. Well we all knew that Jose dated some pretty fine women from model to wanna be actresses. But the one he said he loved and still love was a girl from a swim team in TN. 

I guess Jose was a  player, he closed up saying don't hate the player hate the game.  He dated models actresses, musicians, porn stars, strippers and athletes  and career professionals so I guess Jose  was in living in the moment.  

The First Cut Is the Deepest

The First cut is always the deepest.  This weekend I will try to forget the hurt of that cut cause I will be meeting one of the girls that my family has arranged my marriage with. We have been talking for a while but but meeting for the very first time.


This meeting is causing me to have Butterflies in your stomach. I shared my fears with my friends and a friend shared with me  a few lyrics from a song it went some thing like this Butterflies in your stomach You know, it could be worse Yeah,You could have a caterpillar up your nose. The song goes on to say how one can overcome the butterflies in your stomach.


I  guess its just normal to have a butterfly in your stomach, we just have to channel the butterflies to spread their wings and fly away.  I guess from my perspective the butterflies are mainly because of the fear of rejection.  The fear of rejection normally causes me to do crazy things,  I hope that changes.  

The one crazy thing I have realized is when some one gets close to me I tend to run away. Am i going to run away from  the situation cause I am scared of getting hurt? I am hoping this time I take the  risk and face my fears and don't run away cause I think there is a chance that some one will say no in the future. Why wont I realize that they are getting close to me to compliment me not hurt me. 

dose one have a choice in an arranged marriage?

The million dollar question is, dose one have a choice in an arranged marriage? In most modern arrange marriages I would have to say yes. 

The bride and the groom have a choice to say no or decide to say yes. I have had a few friends who have had their marraiges arranged. in one instance a friend of mine saw over 500 gals before coming back to 134 and when he saw her again he said yes. 

He explained to me that some time it takes a second glance to say yes

The process is

1. The boys family is refereed a girl by family or friends, and are given her resume and picture
2. The family takes the proposal to the girls family who has the young mans resume and pic as well
3. The girls family dose their due diligence
4. The boy and girl are introduced (normally in the presence of family) at the girls house
5. The girls family then will ask the girl if she likes the young man
6. If she says yes then her father will call the boys father and ask the father if they can visit the family house. If She happens to says No the father wont call back
7. When the girl and her family visits the boys house they bring a gift. This time the boys boys father will ask his son the same question
8. The girls family will invite the boys family for Lunch or dinner the accepting of the invitation dose mean a tentative proposal 
9. The girl and the boy are never left alone all the face time they get will be in the presence of others

It may be hard making a decision when you have the presence of others around you, but you do have a choice at every stage of the process. its your decision what is you make  of it is also up to you.

In most cases when the marriage is arranged and if it reaches stage 5or 6 of the arrangement process the % of the marriage going through is high. The high % is mainly due to the fact that the boy and girl are relying generally on the wisdom of others. I guess the wisdom of others help cause then you are not blinded by the other persons looks. 

Geust blogger Raman

My work has given me the opportunity to meet a lot of interesting people from various walks of life, religious backgrounds and lifestyles. As I spoke with them I discovered that having my marriage kind of arranged was a great icebreaker, and my social circle mushroomed each time I retold my story.

 I personally think an arranged marriage assisted through technology is a good idea. I feel it would be easier for me to share a life with someone who understood my upbringing and culture.The scary part however of arranged marriage   to me is the big S. 

Most religions and civilized societies will agree that sex is an integral part of a marriage. “It’s also nice to have a spiritual and family connection with your mate, rather than one that begins in a bar and ends with sex.”  A good % of American couples have sex on the third date and I may just see my fiancé three times before we get married.  I would not be able to share with you what sex in an arranged marriage is like so i asked a friend

“In an arranged  marriage you have to cross the hurdle of just sex. Once you past the hurdle and build a trust and respect for the physical relationship to blossom. It may take time but once that time is elapsed you would have the most intimate physical relationship.”                                                                   

                                                                                                 Some one who had an arrange marriage 

Sexual Health I have been told  can be improved naturally through the practices of Tantra Yoga and tantric sex. Besides having a strong body/mind/spirit connection, every loving couple should also enjoy multiple, powerful sexual orgasms, which stimulate and increase the secretion of the pineal and pituitary glands.

As things were getting serious two of my friends  took me aside and gave me the rundown  on the birds and bees. Combine an Indian upbringing with a Catholic-school education, and my knowledge of sex was limited to "It is a sin." Despite blushing profusely and begging them to stop, I completed the crash course, one of my friends  who armed  with the Kama Sutra, which he had downloaded onto my PDA made some good laughing.

The long drive

Against all rules that I had made about not driving more than 15 mins on a date, I decided to drive 10 hrs over one weekend to actually see if we had a few things in common.

We met for lunch and had a nice conversation. The one thing that I felt after the lunch was the uncertainty and the fear of rejection. Not getting a call over the weekend, I called mid week and reached an answering machine now my uncertainty grew, but there was some kind of a assurance when she called back over the next weekend and we had a great conversation.

That evening I called my father and told him what had conspired during the week. He told me to see how it goes after few dates to see where it goes from there.

For some one who wants answers right away and likes instant gratification, I did not like the process where I was not in control of the situation.

The arranged marriage system has worked for a lot of people over a long period of time. Weighing those pros and cons I guess it worth finally listening to those older than me and taking their advice in this matter and see where it goes

The spread sheet from a guest blogger

One of my former supervisors suggested a spreadsheet. He told me that the best way to eliminate prospective marriage partners is by creating a table based on points. The points are given based on the ideal qualities that one seeks in a partner.


The candidate with the highest points will be the best match for marriage.  

One of my friends professes to have tried this method and has claimed that the spread sheet is a great insight into finding the right partner.

CANIDATES SHORTLISTING PROCESS 

Person            ®	A	B	C	D	E	F	H
Topic              ¯
Age	2	2	3	4	4	4	2
Education	4	4	3	1	1	3	2
Job	3	4	2	1	1	3	2
Income Potential	3	4	3	1	1	3	3
Upkeep	2	1	3	4	4	2	3
Attractiveness	4	2	2	3	2	3	4
Chemistry	3	3	1	1	2	2	2
Readiness for marriage	4	4	3	3	4	3	4
Intuition	4	4	2	2	2	3	3
Artistic creativity	4	3	2	3	2	4	4
Spirituality and religion	4	3	4	3	4	2	3
Entertainment/ fine dining enjoyment	3	4	2	2	2	3	3
Support given in my opinion	4	4	2	2	4	3	4
Music choice	3 All kinds	4 Country	2	3 All kinds	2	3 All kinds	3 All Kinds
Total	47	46	34	33	35	41	42

An additional 10 points is at stake for each short listed candidate. The 10 points is awarded based on personal interview / face to face meeting to see the connection with others

Guest bloggers

In upcoming weeks we will be featuring a few guest bloggers. This is being done to give the readers a different side and different viewpoint on arranged marriages.

the next 2 mails from the last gal

She wrote

Hi

Hope u had a good time in ## .. When do u return to ##?

I went to India in march of this year after  ## yrs ... Was totally amazed by all the changes esp ###### airport ... Looked like a different airport. But The traffic in ##### is horrendous. I'm hoping to make a trip home in early ####. Are u planning a trip to India anytime soon?

My brother lives in ######## about 200 miles from where I'm now ... That's really nice.  Do u have alot of family in the ### ?

It would be great if we could talk sometime my cell is

His Reply

Hi

Thanks for the mail. Hope all is well in ##.

I dropped you a line a couple of mins back i guess u were busy. by the way my # is ########## just in case the voice message I sent was not clear.

I love the last couple of days in #####. spending some quality time with friends and just having a blast. I leave for home  tomorrow and will be there late tomorrow evening.

I was actually planning to go back in December of this year but decided to postpone the trip. I went back in 07 after like like 4 years.

Wel I was gonna keep this mail short that way I guess we will have a lot more to talk abt, not that I run out of topics.

hope you have  a great day ∧ talk to u soon

Following the exchange of # we continued our correspondence via the phone

The search goes on

Hi 

Nice to hear from you. Hope you had a nice weekend .... Mine has been kind of crazy as I have just moved from #### to ##### spent most of the day unpacking luckily family came over to help.

Where in ##### did u live?... I grew up there... In ####. My family is also from ### as you may know. I have been in the state for about # years now... Was in ###### for 3 yrs for my school then was in ###### and worked in a #### and now in ########.

I have attached a picture
Hope u have a great weekend
Bye

His Reply


Hi

Thanks for the email and the picture. I was visiting family and friends back in ###### this holiday.It was fun other than the drive from one place to another, It seemed like every one was on the freeway.

I grew up in ########, and we moved to ###### but we visited ###### pretty often. I visited India  back in 07 and could not believe how it changed over the past few years. I recently moved to ######## so I know how that goes. I guess I am still living out of suitcases.

How long ago since u visited #####? Do u have family close to you in the ##3?

Hope you had a great holiday

Email from a friend

Info: Wife Wanted??

###### – here is some info on ####....give her a call – I hear she is fun and really nice - 

Name: ##########

Age: 27

Born: ####
Height:  ###
Education: 

Bachelors in #######- ######## Engg College, #####, Mumbai

Masters in Computer Science - ################################

Employment:

Team Leader in the ################3 (a financial services company.), at #######. ##### leads a team of software developers engaged in building customized software for their customers, ############## 

Residence:  #########

Extra-curricular:  loves to dance, go out on trips/hikes with friends, socialize.

Spirituality: Faith is of utmost importance.  Goes regularly for retreats, Singles conferences, is involved in the parish community and goes on mission trips to Mexico.

Contact Email: #############@#######.com

CellPhone: ##############


___________________________________________________________________


Further communication was conducted via phone conversations

Some Correspondence from the gal that googled me

Thanks ###### for this pic and for adding me on facebook. I have a better idea about how you look. You probably do too about me. Hope you are having a good day at work.You will probably get the impression that I party a lot when I mention I have another party to attend this evening, then two on Friday and one on Saturday. Its all Christmas parties-diff orgs.

Talk to you soon,
#######


TXT correspondence




Him: Thanks foe the mail I guess thats a better Pic of me in a good way, or is it a bad way lol
Her: Just the  way you are. Nothing good or bad about it. Who am i to Judge huh? Besides its not like we can take credit for how we look- what we become thats a different story
Him:True that you throwing me a curve ball
Her: haha so what are your plans for the weekend
Him:Football and  poker on a Saturday night Church on Sunday and getting ready for the week
Her: Party with the Friends  a sleepover , some school work and lil baby sitting on Sunday evening and 
Him: Enjoy the party
Her: Will do will txt you when i get back
Him: have fun
Her: Good night hon I'm back home the club was nice. I enjoyed dinner. Sweet dreams
Him: Night night am calling it a night 2 babe. 




The Next day as He called her
Her: Hon i am in class til 7
Him: Cool give me a buzz if you wanna chat after
Her: Sure will babe


She calls later and they chat for hours

Wow googling me

In the past, whenever I have gone on a date or have dated someone, they have never actually googled me, have never done a background check, or checked my credit report. I guess it’s a whole different ball game when you it involves a matrimonial prospect.

Now that I have changed my dating profile and have become a little more serious in life, I guess I can’t bluff on any cards. I knew the arranged marriage stuff and the legit marriage site, with over 20 million marital success stories to their credit, was something to be seriously considered.  I was expecting to talk to prospective matches and to get to know them. I thought the website approach would be a little different from a traditional arranged marriage, where intimate friends and family members take on a considerably more decisive role in the matchmaking process.  Now, it’s just gone hi-tech; no talking to friends or a pastor/priest, or to the elders from the community that know you. Instead, that proverbial “letter of recommendation” comes from a background check conducted via a google search.  A positive result invites for further exploration from both interested parties.

Below is the letter of how my google-search actually impressed someone:

Hi ,

You have a very unusual name -any interesting story behind it?. Incidentally my father happens to be from ##### as well. Would you mind elaborating on what the acronym "#####" stands for? Never mind. I did a g-search. So you were in California before you moved to Kentucky?. Also found out that you are the PD at ####. Very impressive.

Well my number is ### -### - #### would like to talk to you too.

Hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving.

Are you for real

One of my friends saw my profile on an Indian dating site, and I get the strangest call:

Friend: Are you for real?
Me : What up? what am I real about?
Friend: You set up a profile on a marriage site and it does not even look like you’re serious.
Me: Serious about what? I don’t get it
Friend: That site is not some dating site for some cheap one-night stand or where people go to to get some sick fantasy with cougars and all. I know you don't do all that and your really trying but you need to change that profile. In my opinion if you don't change your profile you're not gonna get any hits. I think  you have never filled out a dating profile before.

He went on to critique my profile and told me how I should get serious. He went on to say I was not on some dumb dating site and that I needed to be serious about it. He did not like one of my lines that read

“I am not an actor not a star , don’t drive a sports car but I hoping so much you will say it doesn’t matter any way.” He also did not like my pic among other things.

He said, "I know you get in the poet mood sometimes and that you’re a lyricist and all. I know you like to be creative, but this is a serious matter. This is your life you’re talking about, not some cheap bimbo. Not one of the whack jobs like you dated in the past. Are you serious about it?  Then you better make the changes."

I decided to take his suggestions and made the changes and the hits started coming in.

He was right, but as I chatted with some of the gals, I told them about my headline and they actually liked it! They thought I was funny. So I guess I had to merge the funny me with the serious me.

I haven’t found her yet. I am still looking.

Dating sites

There was no reply last week.

I was thinking. I sure live in a world of fantasy and think a lot of the what if's in life. As I waited for an answer, I realized if I am looking for emotional stability; I should not close one door just to open the door at the other end of the room. Why can't I have the two doors open and have some cross ventilation?

I thought my options should be kept open. Whatever God wants. If I meet Ms. Right  through arrangements done by others, so be it. If i meet her through some freakish coincidence or online or a friend, so be it.

So with that in mind and since all my American friends said i should fall in love and we live in the 21st century, I decided to reopen my dating website and browse it whenever possible.

My research

I found out that the groom's family is supposed to take the proposal to the next step, so I decided to wait a week and email her parents.

the following is the email:

Dear Mr. and Mrs.********

My parents and I were wondering whether your daughter and family would like to proceed forward with the proposal. We would appreciate if you could keep us posted either way.

The Anticipation

The anticipation was killing me. I thought I would stop looking after one. I stated talking to my friends finding out if it was normal not for them not to reply back. I started to talk to my friends/confidants and get their advice. These are their conversations in brief:

The first friend: (my adviser as a friend) I called up one of my friends who had his marriage arranged. I spoke to him for a while. He gave me a piece of advice: he said dont count your chickens before they were hatched. He went on to tell me it's a good option and I should pursue it. Talk to her ask her parents if you can take her out to dinner.

The second friend: I spoke to another friend who told me I need to be emotionaly attached and 4 beers later He made a comment like "she's hot." I said I like the compliment but remind me if she becomes my wife not to leave her alone with you.

The third friend (The older friend). His suggestion tell your parents not to pressure-ize you. I don't know where he got that from.

The fourth friend: (The American gay one): I dont know how you can do this. I think you should date her and fall in love and have an arranged love marriage. It was not makeing sense me. It's an arranged marriage. I just don't uinderstand how the arranged marriage system works. While in America most love marriages end in divorce, you are going to take an equally risky chance by spending the rest of your life with some one you don't know.

The fifth friend (My former business partner) Arranged marriage is better than love marriage you should definitely look into it.

My confidant: (My American boss) I dont know how some one can have their marriage arranged. I think I don't understand your culture. Maybe it will work. Give it a shot.