Friday, April 8, 2011

The First Cut Is the Deepest

The First cut is always the deepest.  This weekend I will try to forget the hurt of that cut cause I will be meeting one of the girls that my family has arranged my marriage with. We have been talking for a while but but meeting for the very first time.

This meeting is causing me to have Butterflies in your stomach. I shared my fears with my friends and a friend shared with me  a few lyrics from a song it went some thing like this Butterflies in your stomach You know, it could be worse Yeah,You could have a caterpillar up your nose. The song goes on to say how one can overcome the butterflies in your stomach.

I  guess its just normal to have a butterfly in your stomach, we just have to channel the butterflies to spread their wings and fly away.  I guess from my perspective the butterflies are mainly because of the fear of rejection.  The fear of rejection normally causes me to do crazy things,  I hope that changes.  

The one crazy thing I have realized is when some one gets close to me I tend to run away. Am i going to run away from  the situation cause I am scared of getting hurt? I am hoping this time I take the  risk and face my fears and don't run away cause I think there is a chance that some one will say no in the future. Why wont I realize that they are getting close to me to compliment me not hurt me. 

Friday, April 1, 2011

dose one have a choice in an arranged marriage?

The million dollar question is, dose one have a choice in an arranged marriage? In most modern arrange marriages I would have to say yes. 

The bride and the groom have a choice to say no or decide to say yes. I have had a few friends who have had their marraiges arranged. in one instance a friend of mine saw over 500 gals before coming back to 134 and when he saw her again he said yes. 

He explained to me that some time it takes a second glance to say yes

The process is
  1. The boys family is refereed a girl by family or friends, and are given her resume and picture
  2. The family takes the proposal to the girls family who has the young mans resume and pic as well
  3. The girls family dose their due diligence
  4. The boy and girl are introduced (normally in the presence of family) at the girls house
  5. The girls family then will ask the girl if she likes the young man
  6. If she says yes then her father will call the boys father and ask the father if they can visit the family house. If She happens to says No the father wont call back
  7. When the girl and her family visits the boys house they bring a gift. This time the boys boys father will ask his son the same question
  8. The girls family will invite the boys family for Lunch or dinner the accepting of the invitation dose mean a tentative proposal 
  9. The girl and the boy are never left alone all the face time they get will be in the presence of others
It may be hard making a decision when you have the presence of others around you, but you do have a choice at every stage of the process. its your decision what is you make  of it is also up to you.

In most cases when the marriage is arranged and if it reaches stage 5or 6 of the arrangement process the % of the marriage going through is high. The high % is mainly due to the fact that the boy and girl are relying generally on the wisdom of others. I guess the wisdom of others help cause then you are not blinded by the other persons looks.