Friday, November 26, 2010

I want a pre nuptial agreement (a letter from a young man to his family)

Dear Dad
Hope you are doing well and I hope things are well on the business side. I will be visiting India shortly and I know the family has lined up a few marriage proposals for me.  I think it should also be made clear to the prospective proposals that I want the bride to sign a prenuptial agreement before our marriage.

The reason I ask is because I plan to say in the United States where the divorce rate is high.  I don’t think that money should be the criteria in a marriage, but I also think that it would not be fair to the family, for her to have a stake on what the family has build up. By this I mean the property in India.

The prenup is just to protect the family assets which I will inherit some day.  Since we are just four cousins and will be inheriting the family’s assets I think my other cousins should also have a prenup before marriage.
What the pre-nup will state will be listed below
·       All family inheritances from either party will not be liable for division during a separation or divorce.
·       The spouse is not liable to receive proceeds from any venture prior to the marriage. This will include sale or purchase of assets or property held by one of the members of the contract.
·       Spouses shall not be held accountable for loans or debts of his or her spouse prior to the marriage.
·       Any trousseau received will be in the name of the party who it is given to or gifted to.
·       In the case of a trousseau the party who is bringing it into the relationship shall have absolute control over it. The other party will not have any say as to the investment of the assets from the trousseau unless requested by the party who is bringing it in to the relationship.
·       Neither part will be eligible for spousal support.
·       The parent having custody will receive support to bring up the children.
·       In the event of the demise of one of the people to the contract all the assets of the said person will be inherited by his/ her children
·       In the absence of children being born to the said parties of the contract. The property of the said part will be inherited by the other if they are still together.  If there is a separation or divorce all the assets will donated to a charity of his or her choice

Friday, November 19, 2010

The disagreement.

In July of 2007,  I went to India and actually met some prospective matches. I said yes to one of them and started to be a hopeless romantic; I started to count my chickens even before I saw the eggs.

She said NO 3 days before I left back for the USA. I was mad and had a big fight with my father. Me being the guy who wants things as of yesterday and never having being told "NO" made me even angrier. I did not approve of her telling me at the last moment.

My dad said her reasons were family-based. My answer was she has to live with me and me with her, and with no one else (read: relatives).

In this fight I told my parents never to bring up a match again with me. I guess i was afraid of rejection.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Trousseau / Dowry, the next step after prenups

This Post is by a guest blogger Mr. Jude Pereria.
The views of the blogger do  are not the views of the owner of the blog. The owners of the blog do not approve of  the Dowry system

What’s my worth? This was the question that that came up one day as my friends and I sipped on some tea / coffee at Starbucks.

I don’t know why we were discussing this issue. It started off as a joke but turned into a serious discussion. One of my friends jokingly suggested I find him a gal who would give him a huge dowry. Among the Hindus and the Indians, the dowry is given by the bride’s family. It is normally for the bride’s upkeep. Among the Muslims, the dowry is given by the man to the bride to show that he is serious about the marriage.

I personally am against dowries. But then again prenups aren't a popular thing with the ladies either. In the past I have been offered a dowry with various proposals. I rejected taking any dowry from the prospective bride's family. To most people, the offers I turned down would have made for a comfortable lifestyle. As I turned down each offer, my friends back in India thought I was crazy. I guess I was a good catch.

The offers I received

The first offer: I see this one as the merger of two family businesses. This was my ex-girlfriend. Her father has a shipping business. She was the youngest of four daughters.

According to the family's customs, as the youngest daughter, she would inherit all of her father's assets. This would amount to the two offices in Mumbai and the family property. Her father had set up offices for the other daughters. One was in Australia, Canada, and at the time, Japan. I guess I was going to get the one in India if I married her. My family would have also benefited from various contacts granted to our companies. (Total net value: three million dollars +)

The second offer: It was brought to me by a friend. The proposal was for his friend’s sister. I had a Master’s Degree by then. and I was already involved in the family business. The girl came from a very traditional Hindu family. She was the only daughter. Her family owned commercial fishing trawlers off the cost of India. She was only let to study till the seventh grade for a fear that she may fall in love with someone and spoil the family name

Her family offered me a luxury car, a house in the suburbs, cash and gifts totaling to 2.5 million dollars

Offer three: This girl was my secretary in my dad's business. She was a Hindu and we worked together. Her family owned a chain of grocery stores and a dealership for bikes.

I was offered a bike and free groceries for life and all profits from one of the stores and dealership.

Offer four: There was only one proposal that I remember that did not come with any dowry. At the first meeting I made it clear that I did not want a dowry when her father asked me how much of a dowry I sought. Her father said we respect that and that he would not give any dowry. His daughter would nonetheless still be given her share of the family wealth of $ 250,000 in jewelry and gifts.

Although I had refused to take the dowry and my family made it clear that I did not need it, all the proposals however that came to me were with a dowry. When we said that we did not want any they just said it is a gift; if you don’t want it then you can put it in our daughter's name.

Traditionally the dowry is given for the bride’s upkeep and to help with the marriage expenses.

I guess I was a pretty good catch and was worth a lot.

Friday, November 12, 2010

The first advertisment reply

dear madam,

further to your advertisment in the examiner and the telephonic conversation we had on  in the evening hours I am pleased to give you my sons details:

son's name: #####################

his date of birth:  xxxx

his qualifications: management studies, mumbai university, pgdbm in advertising & public relations, kc college mumbai, diploma in advanced computing art(CDAC), mumbai university, computing accounting,mumbai.

experience:after having worked in india for two years after graduation as an event coordinator and public relations executive and as a creative services consultant he migrated to the usa in may 2003 and has been there ever since. he is currently processing his papers for his green card and after two years will be applying for his american citizenship.he has been working in the usa as the director youth affairs and public relations with the all nations christian ministries in el monte, california. presently he is working on an assignment in kentucky and will be there till may 2007.

other details: both my wife and myself are practicing roman catholics and so ziren has been brought up in the roman catholic teachings and is also a practicing catholic.

i am in business and have my own event management company. my wife  is in the usa and is helping out in the church activities. he is the only child.

if you are interested in taking this matter further i would be obliged if you could send me your daughters resume, and telephonically confirm the same to me as i do not have an internet connection at home, so that i could forward the same to my son

thanking you,

yours sincerely,

Friday, November 5, 2010

A Little History

I was born and raised in Mumbai, India. I grew up in a wealthy family with a golden spoon in my mouth. Being the only grandchild and the only grandson I was spoilt. Just a month before I was born, my grandfather passed away. The family’s employees in the family business thought I was a reincarnation of their old boss and treated me like a king. 

At the age of 17, I started DJ-ing and soon I became a well-known and successful DJ in India.  I also played club-level soccer. My parents sent me to the United States at the age of 21.  I've been living in the US ever since.

Being a DJ and an athlete led to me having a lot of girlfriends. I remember my mother saying to me one day, "I just hope you don't get any one pregnant!"  I always knew I was creative and craved to be in love.  One year, during Christmas week, my girlfriend wanted to go to a dance in India.  I told her I could not take her cause I was DJing. She went on to tell me that I was some boyfriend who could not even spend time with his girlfriend. Her words made me hang up my CDs and give up being a DJ. This ended a 3-year relationship and an unspoken engagement. I was 19 years old.

Soon after, I started dating a model. When we broke up she said I hope you never find love. When I was 23, a priest with the gift of prophecy asked me to ask for forgiveness to God for some things I had done when I was 19; I could not figure out what "things" I was supposed to atone for. 

Just as i turned 22, my family arranged a marriage again.  Another engagement. I said yes, and I was supposed to go back to India in six months to get married. I never did go back to India. I asked my family to apologize to the girl and to break up the engagement on my behalf. 

At 24 I met the most fabulous girl and had the best relationship ever. She actually loved me for me--a nobody in the US--not a has-been in India. The relationship ended when she moved to Hawaii.  From that day, I have been searching for true love, because that is what I craved. a relationship like I had with that girl. She made me a better person.

I have tried dating girls my friends have set me up with, dating girls at church, tried to meet them at coffee shops and other places that singles hang out and online dating. I have dated a lot but have not found a worthy match.  After consultation with close confidants, I decided to ask my family to help me in finding a bride. The rest will be journalized with some history in future blog posts.